Trust is the glue

TRUST

To excel in any areas of life , faith,family, finance,fitness, freedom,following,fun,friendship, there must be trust. Tim Marks my personal mentor says “people only do activities with  the people they trust and like. ” Stephen Covey says “there is nothing as fast as the speed of trust.”  Its faster than anything you can think about, faster than the computer or the internet, for when trust is present, mistakes are forgiven and forgotten. TRUST IS THE GLUE OF LIFE.  

My wife and I just spent 7 days in Florida with some great friends we trust and during that time we were never worried about who paid for what or what they would or wouldn’t do around our kids. We knew they had our best interests at heart and we had theirs.  High trust relationships are easy and effortless, where as low trust relationships are difficult and stressful.

How People  break your  Trust

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to understand the magnitude of trust . Many nights are spent in agony over broken trust.

  1. Have you ever had a broken heart over trust being lost in a marriage?
  2. Has a pastor or someone at the church caused you to lose trust in that church or even in God?  as a side note… NEVER NEVER judge a perfect  God by imperfect men
  3. Have you ever been lied to when buying a house or a car?
  4. Did you find out that your business partners have been stealing from the company?
  5. Is there anyone you thought was your friend and then you heard they were talking about you?
  6. Have you ever thought your new job was gonna be one way and ended up being another
  7. Has anyone ever looked into your eyes and lied to your face?

How we break trust

It is extremely easy to look at broken trust from the offended side but lets also do it from us being the offender. Being untrustworthy is not just something they do it is something we do.  This exercise is very difficult to do because it takes great pains to look at self but lets ask ourselves a few questions as well.

  1. Have we ever told a little lie or just maybe stretched the truth to make us look better?
  2. Is there ever a time when you were not happy with a friend/bus partner/family member and instead of talking with them about it like Mathew 18 says, we just end up telling someone else. “just wanting to get off our chest” lol  aka GOSSIP
  3. Have you ever made a promise to anyone and didn’t keep it?  Promise making is one of the easiest things you could ever do and promise keeping is one of the most difficult.
  4. Have you ever written anything online without stating who exactly wrote it? Many things written online by faceless men cannot be trusted because trustworthy men have no need to remain anonymous unless there is partial truths being told. Charles Spurgeon wrote “a lie can travel around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes”
  5. Have you ever hid from creditors/family members/bus partners/church family because you thought by hiding you wouldn’t have to handle it.

When I was in school we had a big exam for algebra and I had a teacher that scared me to death.  He wasn’t mean, he just expected alot and didn’t pull any punches, which at that time in my life. scared me. The day of the exam that I hadn’t studied for, I… instead of showing up getting an F i just called in sick to school.  The next day back at school I was sheepish as I walked by that teacher and he could tell, sooo he stopped me and stated in a stern voice “NEWTON” if you would just study, you wouldn’t have to fake being sick”   HIDING is an UNTRUSTWORTHY ACT

Now,  I hope after asking all those questions to ourselves, we can see where ALL of us can work on this foundation to success in those 8 areas of FAITH-FAMILY-FINANCE-FITNESS-FRIENDSHIP-FREEDOM-FUN-FOLLOWING

“Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living, it is the beginning place, the foundation on which more can be built. Where trust is- love can flourish”  Barbara Smith

                                                      

People trust those who add value into there life with more deposits of selflessness than withdrawals of selfishness

Stephen Coveys “Emotional Bank Account” for Trust

Deposits-

  1. Seek first to understand
  2. keep promises
  3. honesty and openness
  4. kindness courtesies
  5. win win or no deal
  6. clarified expectations
  7. loyalty the absent
  8. apologies
  9. receiving feedback and giving “I” messaging
  10. forgiveness

Withdrawals

  1. Seek first to be understood
  2. break promises
  3. smooth manipulation
  4. unkindness, discourtesies
  5. win-lose
  6. violating expectations
  7. disloyalty
  8. pride, conceit, arrogance
  9. not receiving feedback and giving “you” messages
  10. holding grudges

Stephen Covey goes on to  say there our 3 common characteristics of the Deposits that we can learn from

  1. it will take initiative
  2. it will take an absence of selfishness and a presence of humility
  3. it will require sacrifice

There is much freedom in a disciplined life and if we are ready to be disciplined in any area being trustworthy is a great beginning spot.  I would like to thank Bill Newton and Jann Newton,  for being people of character that i can trust so i could see a wonderful example of this amazing principle.

god bless

cody

“You cannot change Truth, but Truth can change you” MFC

“Methods are many,principles are few.methods always change,principles never do” is a quote I will never forget hearing at a conference I attended at 19 years old.  There is only one Truth for salvation and that is Jesus Christ and that Truth can be learned about by the infallible word of God , the Bible.  All good principles in day-to-day living also have their roots in the bible as well.  Fortunately for the last 4 years I was given the chance to learn about many principles that have changed my LIFE and  I thought today I would give a few ideas on resources for books etc that can help with great principles on topics such as character, purpose, attitude, programming, gameplanning,keeping score, family, friendship, financial management, leadership, conflict resolution, systems thinking,anxiety, depression, forgiveness, handling adversity, and legacy. These are some of my favorites for sure. Orrin Woodwards book “Resolved” has been the most influential on principles for me and Tim Marks book “Voyage of a Viking” is a biography I will never forget.    If anyone has any other great resources for great principles feel free to comment. god bless

 

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I also “of course” recommend the 90 Day Mental Fitness Challenge for a chance to have someone to be accountable to for growth!   www.90daymentalfitchallenge.com/

A Dad Keeping Score

Family vacation is so much fun with 4 little boys , and a little crazy too until you get them around a pool with water guns. The boys then will play cops and robbers for hours leaving there parents, Tara and I to read.  I decided to reread the Resolved book specifically on the “keeping score” chapter of the book, knowing I need to work on continually keeping my results in front of me.  Today my focus being because were spending time with the kids, on keeping score as a husband and a father.

Orrin Woodward wrote, “fans religiously keep track of the scoreboard at sporting events, but few maintain the high standards when the spotlight is placed upon their professional field of play” .  He continues next chapter, ” but imagine what would happen, if all sports fans, fans who expect the coaches to lead their teams, chose to lead their families with a similar level of expectation for excellence”.
So here is the question for all of us… If we were watching ourselves coach/lead our families what would we be yelling at ourselves  to fix? Since we are all self delusional I have asked the 2 best dads I know, Bill Newton, and  Tim Marks, where am I messing up as well?  Finally I asked my wife and kids. I’ll give  you a quick idea of how that went as he was driving the boat!
   

Daddy: Cader  do you think daddy is a good daddy

Cader: yes

Daddy: why are you sure

Cader: because your my friend and you make money so chase, cage, colby, mommy and me can eat and go places
Daddy: anything else
Cader: you taught me about Jesus  and I know you love mommy
Daddy: what do I do wrong that I can work on
Cader: nothing
Daddy: tell me the truth
Cader: ok, then will u leave me alone ?
Daddy: yes
Cader:  ok ok . well I wish you let me have pop everyday and you didn’t kiss mommy all the time, and I don’t like spankings when I hit my brothers
Daddy: thanks for the feedback ,but that will not change, love you

I love the quote by Orrin “you either hate changing bad enough to lose or hate losing bad enough to change.”. As a parent or a spouse let’s look at the scoreboard and change where we need to. I know it’s a daily process for me and I pray you will keep score  with your performance as a parent/spouse as well.  god bless

cody

When Fishermen Don’t Fish

The New Year is among us and I would love to wish everyone a Happy New Year!  I woke up this morning ready to “get stuff happenin”   The nervous tension inside was from an intense desire to perform and you can choose to use that tension to fuel self or Pound others . It seems in preparing to lead we sometimes end up hurting ourselves or others because of our own performance issues.   Max Lucado says this ” When those who are called upon to fish dont fish, they fight.  When energy intended to be used outside is used inside, the result is explosive.  Instead of casting nets, we cast stones.  Instead of extending our helping hands, we point accusing fingers”   In my leadership journey I know I have been the most explosive when I have actually not been proud of what I am doing. One of the greatest ways to know if we are truly others focused is to find out the root cause of our disappointments, Is it really about the situation or is IT Really about my own lack of performance? Shifting the blame of discouragement is the easy way out and the lesson will not be learned but internalizing and asking yourself what is the source of my internal battle is what real leaders do.  Tim Marks has worked with me since first mentoring with him too keep looking inside self to become a better leader  instead of outside self.

Lucado says in Chapter 3 ” Leave soldiers inside the barracks with no time on the front line and see what happens to their attitude. The soldiers will invent things to complain about. Bunks will be too hard. Food will be too cold. Leadership will be too tough. The Company will be too Stale.  Yet put those same soldiers in the trench ducking  bullets., and what was a boring barracks will seem like a haven. The beds will feel great. The food will be almost ideal. The leadership will be courageous. The company will be exciting.  When Those who are called to fish, fish— they flourish!  If you are called to Fish “lead” and you Fish then  2012 will be your  year and I cannot wait to hear your story! God Bless cody

    

The Father “FAMILY”

For sure God has put me on the planet to help boys become men and it seems the most important boys to help become men are my own first and then I can help others. One thing that I have tried to learn more about  in the last 7 yrs is being a Dad! “my oldest is 7!!” WOW IM Getting Old”. The Bible, my Church,  Life  materials, my dad, uncles and Tim Marks have all helped and all I can say is I have made many mistakes and made many memories… For sure one thing I know is that “it does matter”, and studys are backing up that fact. Listening to Josh McDowell I was totally convicted that I needed to become a better father and continue on the journey. Are you reading and listening to materials and individuals to help you become a better parent?? Here is a few of his statistics of fathering…

a.John Hopkins research of over 30 yrs shows the connection between the relationship between the  son and the father has to do with the amount of Hypertension- Tumors-Suicide-Coronary Heart Disease found in Patients!!

b. 300% to 500% higher percentage of suicide if your  son doesn’t have a relationship with his Dad

c..Study of all 15 school shooters shows

  1. all middle class and white
  2. all the father was absent, distant or not involved

Questions your son should answer YES too

  1. Son, Do you know I Love you??  “Love Cultivates the ground for excepting Gods Truth”  and “rules without relationship cause rebellion”
  2. Son, Do you know I love your Mother??
  3. Son, Do  you want to have a relationship with your kids and wife like I do?
  4. Son, Do you know how much I love JESUS

Fun ” the other F”

       

Sitting at a table with Orrin Laurie Woodward, Tim and Amy Marks and a dozen or so other couples in the Life Leadership program talking about our new business venture, I learned a very profound idea that should be implemented more.   Formerly owning a concrete construction company, leasing agency, rental homes, lawn care company, oil distributing company, auction company, and a few others I realized there was a distinct difference with this one.  WE WERE HAVING A BLAST!!

8 fs make up what we call Life. Faith Family Finance Fitness Freedom Fun Following Friendship.  It seems the more I have tried to lead, grow, and change, the more it seems there is one that becomes less prevalent. FUN!! Maybe I have seen to many shows where the boardroom is all fist slams and posture statements but this was nowhere near the same.

It started by all the parties laughing about our past and the things it has taken to get to this point.  The quote “tragedy plus time equals humor”  is a true statement and I listened at all the humor about what was tragedy ” we thought at the time” and all the excitement about what could be and felt so much joy in my heart to know good or bad this team was deciding to have fun from now forward. I’ve heard  “Laughing is medicine for the soul” and this next year will be about our Motto, Have Fun, Make Money and Make a Difference.

God bless

Cody

Free Enterprise vs Capitalism “Which one is Better?'”

Coming into a business and friendship with the WORLD’S TOP 25 LEADERSHIP EXPERTSWORLD’S TOP 30 LEADERSHIP PROFESSIONAL’S for  Orrin  Woodward, Chris Brady, Tim Marks and the Policy Counsel of Life , I truly believed that “capitalism” was the exact same as “free enterprise” and “man oh man” was I way wrong.  Oliver DeMille, the former president and founder of George Wythe College educates on the differences between the two.  George Wythe was the mentor of Thomas Jefferson and 30 other congressman, senators and presidents and Oliver would be the top authoritive historian on George,  Thomas Jefferson and Free Enterprise.  Here is some information on the differences that make all the difference. God  Bless Cody

“If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
Samuel Adams

To summarize: capitalism gives special government-supported benefits to capital and those with capital (wealthy individuals, families and business entities).

This is the opposite of socialism, which promotes special government-supported benefits to those without capital—the proletariat, as Karl Marx put it.

In contrast to both capitalism and socialism, free enterprise establishes good laws and government policies that treat the rich, middle and poor the same.

Some people may believe that this is the system we live under in the United States today—that the law treats all the same.

Such an assumption is incorrect.

The U.S. commercial code has numerous laws which are written specifically to treat people differently based on their wealth.

For example, it is illegal for those with less than a certain amount of wealth to be offered many of the best investment opportunities.

Only those with a high net worth (the levels and amounts are set by law) are able to invest in such offerings.

This naturally benefits the wealthy to the detriment of wage earners.

This system is called capitalism, and it is a bad system—better than socialism or communism, to be sure, but not nearly as good as free enterprise.

In a free enterprise system, the law would allow all people to take part in any investments.

The law would be the same for all.

If this seems abstract, try starting a business in your local area.

In fact, start two.

Let the local zoning commissions, city council and other regulating agencies know that you are starting a business, that it will employ you and nine employees, and then keep track of what fees you must pay and how many hoops you must jump through.

Have your agent announce to the same agencies that a separate company, a big corporation, is bringing in a large enterprise that will employ 4,000 people (or, in a more urban setting, 24,000 people)—all of whom will pay taxes to the local area and bring growth and prestige.

Then simply sit back and watch how the two businesses are treated.

In most places in the United States, one will face an amazing amount of red tape, meetings, filings and obstacles—the other will likely be courted and given waivers, tax breaks, benefits and publicity.

Add up the cost to government of each, and two things will likely surprise you: 1) how much you will have to spend to set up a small business, and 2) how much the government will be willing to spend to court the large business.

Of course, I don’t really suggest that anyone announce such a fake business.

But imagine, theoretically, what would happen if you did.

Our current mentality in government is to treat big business better than small business.

This is the natural model in a capitalist system.

Capital gets special benefits.

In free enterprise, in contrast, the costs and obstacles would be identical for the two businesses.

In free enterprise, the operative words are “free” and “enterprise.”

Note that American business and ownership stayed mostly small—with most people owning family farms or small businesses—until the 1960s.

It was debt (often promoted by government) which wiped out the farming culture that dominated the South and Midwest, and the rise of big corporations over family-owned businesses came after the U.S. commercial code was changed by law to a capitalist rather than a free enterprise model.

If we altered today’s laws at all levels so that government entities treated all businesses and citizens the same, regardless of their level of capital, the natural result would be the spread of more small businesses.

Note that nearly all major growth in America’s economy since 1985 has come from small business.

Today, small businesses are struggling under a veritable “mountain” of regulatory red tape—the result is economic downturn.

And, while some in government hold an anti-business attitude, even many of those ostensibly promoting pro-business policies are more aligned with Wall Street corporations than the needs of small business.

Capitalism, sometimes called “Corporatism”, is not the same thing as free enterprise.

Both are certainly preferable to socialism or communism, but free enterprise is considerably more conducive to freedom and widespread prosperity than capitalism.

History has proven the following: 1) Under capitalism, the divide between rich and poor naturally increases; 2) In a free enterprise system, the prosperity, freedom and dignity of nearly everyone in the society inevitably rises.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn pointed out that while modern American capitalism was clearly better than Russia’s twentieth-century communism or Europe’s contemporary attempts at socialism, the U.S. implementation of capitalism left much to be desired.

For example, he noted, under American capitalism the question of, “is it right?” became less important to many people and companies than, “is it legal?”

Likewise, the culture of capitalism frequently asks, “is it profitable?” before (or instead of) asking, “is it good?”

American capitalism, Solzhenitsyn said, created a nation more materialistic than spiritual, more interested in superficial success than genuine human progress.

Note that Solzhenitsyn was adamantly anti-communist and anti-socialist.

But he also found capitalism lacking.

In every particular, however, Solzhenitsyn’s criticisms of capitalism don’t apply to the free enterprise model of economics. When the law treats all people and businesses the same—regardless of their size, connections, power or wealth—an interesting consequence occurs.

Put succinctly:

  • In socialism the government ignores, downplays and literally abuses prosperity and freedom to the point that both are lost for nearly everyone.

 

  • Under capitalism, the laws promote the wealth and license of a few above the freedom and prosperity of all, with the cultural result of valuing attainment of wealth above almost everything—including virtue, compassion, and the liberty of all.

 

In free enterprise, the laws treat everyone the same, thereby incentivizing freedom, prosperity and enterprise (as long as such enterprise doesn’t violate the inalienable rights of others). The application of this model is rare in human history, but the results when it has been applied are nothing less than spectacular (see Ancient Israel, Athens, the vales period of Switzerland, the Saracens, the Anglo-Saxons, and the United States—which by 1944 had 6% of the world’s population and produced over half of its goods and services).

The lesson?

Freedom works.

Enterprise works.

Oliver DeMille